I Popped My Cherry

I never thought my first time in actual, hard-copy print would be in the mX.

See below for my now not-so-secret shame.

They printed my rant. That'll learn me.

The End Is Nigh...

Today I sent a text message to mX magazine complaining about one of the articles.

What's next? Letters to the small paper written on a typewriter?

Might as well tune 3aw into the car stereo.

I See The Light

Surely this defeats the purpose of this?

I'm not going all ba humbug, I just don't geddit.

Walk This Way

There are two types of people in this world - those that walk down the street and move for no one, and those that spend all day walking around others.

Which will you be today?

Corner Pocket

I love nights that look like this. Please don't close The Tote.

That Old Chestnut

The Haviana Blow-Out - there really is nothing worse.

What are the chances you'll bust the opposite one on the next pair? And even if you do, you'll never wear them in at the same rate. Instead you'll limp from the right rubber sole to the left, never quite in sync.

Thank goodness this poor bugger lost his in Autumn. It's easier to deal with in the cold weather, a good six months before he'll need to fork out for a new pair.

Keep Yourselves Nice

I've been flashed twice today.
And not by my own knickers.
It was by two separate women.
I'm fairly sure it wasn't intentional, but that doesn't really make it OK.

Ladies of Melbourne I implore you, please keep your hems at a socially acceptable level. At the very least put some opaque tights on in this weather, you'll catch your death of cold.

Secret Squirrel

Dear Channel 9,

I think we can all guess whose face it is that you've pixellated.

Warm Regards

All of Melbourne

Lest We Forget

Nothing screams Melbourne more than a pot, a parma and watching the footy on ANZAC Day.

Nothing screams coward more than a man beating on a woman, like the arsehole outside The Rose Hotel yesterday. You'll get yours mate.

The Writing's On Your Arm

I'm not sure what kind of ink the door bitches of Melbourne use, but man, that shit just does not come off.

It's Wednesday and I still have the remnants of the weekend on my arm. It's not that I don't know how to wash either. I am super hygienic. I've used a face-washer, and one of those shower puff things to scrub and scrub, and still I am stained.

I was hoping to leave last weekend on the dance floor at Pony where it belonged, not carry its fading shadow around all week.

Support The Underdog

This weekend, when you are out buying music, make sure it's at one of these shops.

Indie record stores around the world are closing at a rapid rate and it's important that we keep ours alive and kicking. Don't get confused by the "other" music store event this weekend. Stick with one on this list and you've done your good deed for the day.

Viva rock'n'roll!

Go Ahead Make My Day

A big thank-you to the golden soul who chalks on Dickens's Street in Elwood.

Bless your cotton socks, you really made my Tuesday.

Half A Key

Dan Auerbach was having breakfast at Degraves this morning.

Ta-daaaar!

Oxymoron

I am a firm believer that the words "fun" and "run", should never be uttered in the same sentence.

To those of you indulging in that ludicrous pursuit in Melbourne today, spare a thought for those of us who had the good grace to be hungover on a Sunday. I spent 2.5 hours in my car doing a 14km round trip at your expense and still didn't manage to get where I wanted to go. (The Vic Market for a restorative jam donut and do my shopping - FYI.)

Stay in the gym where you belong and just donate your money online.

April Fool

It really is 27 degrees outside. This ain't no joke, this is climate change. More fool us.

Stop Or I'll Youtube

When seeing a police armed response unit with guns drawn behind the Corner Hotel yesterday, my instant reaction was to bugger off. Unlike some people who preferred to stand on the corner and film it in on their mobiles.

Rubbernecking, bullet dodging - same, same.

I Feel The Earth Move - not

I was out last night enjoying dinner at Anada, in the company of some of my favourite cackling harpies. We were having such a divine evening of good food, wine and conversation that we completely didn't notice the earthquake.

I can be pretty self-absorbed at times (I like to call it "in the moment"), but this takes it to a whole new level.

Kultural Fusion

A Japanese tourist, playing a didgeridoo, on the streets of Melbourne.

Of course.

Hell On Earth

The smell of smoke in the city today, brings with it so much sadness. I ache for those who lost loved ones in these awful fires. And homes. And pets. And too many other things to name.

This week, Melbourne has become a city where men cry on public transport, at what they read in the newspaper. Where everyone has constantly given money, food, clothes and support for those who need it.
No one is beeping car horns to express their impatience. There is no shoving to get on trains.

It is a city in shock and mourning. But better for it in the long run I believe. This tragedy has brought out the stunning goodness in Melbourne's people.

Love and luck to you all.

Roll Up Roll Up

To the kook at the corner of Swanston and Collins Streets at approximately 6.20pm, I think that riding a unicycle to and from work is just plain showing off.

If you are indeed in the circus you should leave your work behind at the end of the day. It's all about balance.

Balance! Geddit?

Save Ferris, Save Ferris Wheel

Can you BELIEVE that The Southern Star Wheel is closed already? It's only been open a month and due to last week's excessive heat it's broken.

That was $100 million well spent. Didn't anyone think to do a tiny bit of research about the affect of heat on the building materials?

Even London managed to get this right.