You Dropped Your Manners

To the guy who was given his wallet back by a lovely, out-of-breath young lady who had run a fair amount of Collins Street to complete her good deed for the day, it would have been manners to GET OFF YOUR FUCKING MOBILE PHONE AND SAY A PROPER THANK-YOU.

I hope you took the cash out first girl.

Random Question...

Last weekend whilst exiting the BP on Carlisle Street, a guy in van coming into the servo stopped me, and it went like this...

"Random question"
"Yeah?"
"We've got a spare home entertainment system in the back of the van that we're trying to get rid of. Do you wanna buy it?"
"Um, no thanks dude"
"You sure?"
"Yep" wind up window

After much laughter with my companion we then continued on our way, making a stop at the stupormarket before heading out of town. When we were walking back to the car, we saw the same guy blocking traffic still trying to shift his hot wares.
When we got back to the carpark he was circling like a shark and caught my eye again. I was onto him this time and before he had a chance to speak told him he had already asked. "Well have you changed your mind? Jesus".
Laughing at this madness and walking away shaking my head, I think I then offended the lady with the plastic bag on her head trying not to let the rain ruin her hair. I promise, I wasn't laughing at you love.

Moonlight Cinema

To the two women who set-up camp in front of us at Moonlight Cinema in their far-too-high chairs:

• Thank-you for asking us if you were in the way.
• Poo to you for then not doing anything about it when we replied in the affirmative.
• Suck it for having to move when I dobbed you in to the attendant.

On a balmy Melbourne evening there is no better place to be than the Botanic Gardens, with fine wine, great company and choice cinema.

Truck You

Note to all truckies out there on the streets of Melbourne.

If you are parked over the entire cycle lane, open your door without looking and knock a cyclist over, you then have no right to tell said cyclist that they should be riding in the correct lane. YOU are in the INCORRECT lane.

Also, Tony Martin had lunch at Globe today - just call me Perez.

Yeah well, this is my door...

Who the fuck does the Cookie doorman/bitch* and he is a bitch tonight think he is?

Last Sunday when I was there, with a select few who managed to drop over a grand in an afternoon, the bar staff were checking that the drinks were OK because they were so hungover and feared missing their tip.
Yet tonight because some of my "party" and we were far from "party" didn't walk in with me were denied entry. When I went back downstairs to advise "they're with me", Cookies' rules, not mine, the door guy was being such an arse I took the party of 10 elsewhere.
This may sound like an arrogant wank of a rant, but Melbourne hospo know who pay their wages, and the staff certainly know where their tips come from. I was so embarrassed that guests from o.s. who were recommended Cookie got turned away with such an attitude. THIS IS NOT SYDNEY.

*This same fucker has let me take my dog in that bar, but apparently tonight, no poms.

Boxing Day Madness

I was under the impression that people in Queensland were required to drive on the left hand side of the road, same as us down south. So I was a little taken aback when a 4wd with "Sunshine State" plates was coming at me up St Kilda road on the wrong side. He took on six lanes of traffic going in the opposite direction and then veered into the Barkly Street turnoff also facing in the wrong direction.
I silently blessed the public holiday and a very quiet road this morning, but I am not sure the same mistake would have been possible had it been a normal peak hour.

I also saw a woman steal a bottle of water from a 7-11 this afternoon and I didn't report her. When does none of my business cross the line to a moral obligation to become a dobber?

Pushy Krishnas

I must say I was most put out today being accosted by a tout to eat at Gopals. His manner was quite aggressive which didn't scream Krishna Consciousness to me and he was dressed in civilian clothes.
Get the proper Krishnas on the pavement handing out pakoras if you want to market the place.